A new study claims there are actually four clear indicators of why relationships end.
Dr. John Gottman and researchers at the University of Washington have come up with what they call “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” which they say can predict the end of a pairing with 93% certainty.
The four indicators are:
- Criticism –This is not the same as feedback, instead it isn’t constructive and usually focuses on things like personality, character, or interests, where as feedback deals with a specific action or behavior you’d like to see changed. The researchers suggest that if you can’t offer feedback without such criticism to take a time out before you share your comments and think about what you say before you share it.
- Contempt – This involves comments specifically designed to insult, or show disrespect towards someone. Often it derives from a lack of interest in another person, so the experts suggest trying to find some common ground to keep your interest.
- Defensiveness – Seeing yourself as the victim, or doing things like denying responsibility, making excuses, and meeting one complaint with another is a sign of defensiveness, which can make it harder to focus on bigger issues. To overcome this, try really listening to a person’s issue, whether you agree with it or not, to fully understand their side of things. If you understand it, it may be easier to get past the issue.
- Stonewalling – Withdrawing as a way to avoid conflict is one example of stonewaling, as is shutting down or refusing to respond, like giving someone the silent treatment or ignoring a person. Such behavior will prevent a couple from working out their problems. To get past this, a person needs to make the effort to participate in whatever’s going on, and feel free to share what you’re feeling as well.
Source: Huffington Post