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Sometimes when we pick a fight with our partner, it’s not because of anything happening in the relationship, it’s because of something going on with us, explains clinical psychologist Rudi Rahbar. But just because you’re in a bad mood doesn’t mean it’s okay to start in on your beloved about his dirty clothes on the floor. These are some of the issues that aren’t worth throwing down over and how to deal with them without screaming.
- Taking out the trash - This is a nasty job that no one really wants to do, and Rahbar says it’s the most stereotypical fight that comes up in relationships - but it’s not worth fighting about. She says if you really want him to take on the garbage duties, make your case by talking calmly about it instead.
- Doing the laundry - Relationship coach Claudia Six suggests this issue can be avoided altogether by everyone washing their own clothes. Then if you’re feeling generous and want to wash your S.O.’s laundry you can, but you’re not obligated or expected to.
- Hogging the covers - The simplest fix for this fight is to have two comforters, one for each of you.
- Cleaning up - This is a big issue for a lot of couples, but it’s not worth arguing about cleaning up. Explain how you feel when you have to pick up after your sweetie and hopefully they’ll stop leaving stuff lying around. Or you can just decide to stop cleaning up for them.
- Family time - This subject can get messy, but fighting about it won’t help. Talk to your S.O. and decide how you can split time with both of your families in a way that works for you both. Alternating holidays can help avoid the conflict and keep in-laws happy, but make sure you two are happy first.
- Staying out too late. Yes, it's annoying when your partner doesn't give you a heads up that he/she is going to stay out later planned...but it's not a good idea to pick a fight as soon as he/she gets home. Therapists say the best way to handle it is to bring it up the next morning. Tell your partner that you get worried when they don't text you about being late. Coming from a place of love and concern will make a difference.
- Making plans. So...you're assuming you'll be hanging out together over the weekend, when your partner suddenly lets you know that he/she actually has other plans. Your best communication tactic is to explain how it makes you feel when he/she does this—for example, you feel disrespected when they don't tell you their plans in advance.
Source: Women's Health